In the grand scheme of things, a year isn’t a long time. A year passes by so quickly, but day by day, a year can feel like a lot and the first half of the year, at least for me, is always so different than the later half.

In the first half of this year I got a job that paid me the most I’ve ever made so far. It was mindless, which is the opposite of what I like from work. I know weird, but I need stimulation. It was also a mentally unsafe environment for me and this year I’ve discovered how susceptible and sensitive I am to my environment and the people around me. It wasn’t a good fit. I also realized how much of a scam life is. I was making almost double than before but didn’t feel that in my paycheck because of taxes.

In the second half of this year, I discovered more about me and what I want out of my workplace and career. Yes. I left another job. I read more and wrote more book reviews. I started accounts for this blog to share content in other places. I got a surgery I’ve been putting off, and have been suffering and healing since. I applied for a masters program.

It’s become a trying year, for one that started off well. I’m hoping things turn around soon.

Every year, I write about what I’ve learned and this year is no different. Here we go.

Small progress is progress

Baby steps add up and acknowledging progress, no matter how insignificant it feels, matters. It’s been five months since I had surgery and I’m almost now healed from the initial surgery. Though I’m not out of the weeds with my health due to the problems that arose from the surgery, there has been progress in my recovery journey and it’s worth celebrating, even if it feels minuscule. A small step forward is still forward. You have to make it through the next minute, to make it through an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year.

Question your thinking

The way we think about ourselves, the world, and other people matter. It is worth it, every once and while, to question why we believe or do the things we do. So much of life is a construct and we all carry unconscious beliefs about ourselves and everyone else and the world. Being aware of these thoughts can help us unpack them. It can shift our thinking and view ourselves and the world differently. Questioning your mindset can help you learn more about yourself and your true desires. It also makes it easier to see through bullshit (and because of capitalism and consumerism there’s a lot of bullshit). To avoid ranting I’ll simply say corporations thrive on our insecurities and desire to impress each other. Unpack that.

Life happens

While there are things that are in our control, there are things that aren’t. Life happens and some events aren’t predictable. Some things we can only control so much or plan so much for. That’s where being adaptable comes in. We can’t control everything, but we can accept certain situations for what they are and move forward. We can adapt and figure out what we can control.

Leave room for nuance

It feels like with the rise of social media, everything has to be this or that. In arguments, one person has to be wrong and there is only one way to look at things. And though objectively with proven research there are certain things that are not debatable, like the existence of racial bias or that what’s going on in Palestine is a genocide, there are many situations that are…situational.

Not every mantra applies to every situation. Not everyone who causes harm intends to. Not everything is black and white. In a way, sometimes our reactions and views on things are mirrors of our own (limiting) beliefs and values. There’s nuance to most things, and for me at least, living in the gray makes the most sense.

Meet people where they are or leave them be

We can give people advice when asked and set boundaries for how we want to be treated, but we can’t control other people and what they do. We can only control ourselves, how we choose to communicate, and how we react. People don’t have to be who we want them to be or who we think they are. They don’t have take our advice.

We also each have our own love languages and interests, our own ways of living life, and our own ways of approaching our friendships, which may not be the same. People can show that they care in a way that is different than how you receive it. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. It is just how they are able to show it.

Meeting people where they are can help eliminate any misguided expectations. And if you don’t want to deal with other persons’ way of being, it’s okay to respectfully let them go, hopefully with communication involved.

Coping mechanisms aren’t inherently bad

My favorite way to cope is to isolate. I don’t like putting on a mask and pretending I’m okay when I’m not. I can be happy for others and their experiences and still be sad that I feel stuck while I’m recovering. Though isolating isn’t considered the best way to cope, it is what I need to recuperate and I don’t feel bad for it anymore. Some people need a blunt to get through the day. Some people need to vent without a solution. Some people need to isolate. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to get through situations. Nothing is inherently bad until it starts to cause harm to yourself or others or unless you or those around you consider it to be a problem.

Shaming doesn’t always work

Shaming people into doing something doesn’t really work the way you think it does. If anything, it causes more people to turn away because on top of accepting something horrible, they also start to feel guilty. No one likes to be yelled at or condescended. At the same time, shaming assumes the person being shamed cares and sometimes they don’t. To make an impact while communicating in your daily life and while bringing awareness to issues, there has to be a level of understanding. I hate to say it, but tone affects how messages are received, but do what you want cause I’m not the tone police.

We’re still young in our twenties

I turned 26 this year and in my teenage years I imagined 26 to be different. Granted, I turned twenty six a month ago, but still, even my 25th year went differently than I expected. At 16+, I thought those is their mid and late twenties had everything figured out. I thought I’d be more established now. But we’re still young in our twenties.

I think the fear of aging society tries to inflict on us mixed with pop culture making our teenager years seem like the “it” years makes us feel like our twenties aren’t our transformative years, which they are. We live longer now than before. It’s okay to not have it all figured out. It’s okay to continue experimenting and exploring.

Invest in hobbies

An activity that relaxes you is a necessity. It doesn’t have to make money or require you to spend money. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Literally working out, reading, and watching television are hobbies. Investing time for yourself to decompress and learn something if you want can help you reset and remind you there’s more to life than working.

Trust your body

Your body subconsciously picks up on energy before you do. Your body can tell you if something is wrong before your brain realizes it. Become in tune with your body and recognize how it reacts to being around certain people or environments. There’s a reason that person makes you feel tired afterward. There’s a reason you get nauseous everytime you go to that one place. Listen to your body when it tells you to rest and do what you can. Go to the doctor when it feels like something is wrong if you can.

Kids and mothers are people too

My baby is almost three and it’s not that experiencing motherhood has taught me this, it’s just that I feel the need to say it now and often. People are so judgmental and harsh around discussions about children and mothers and it’s annoying to witness.

Children, yes including toddlers, are their own person. They are learning and developing everyday and there are things they won’t know or can’t handle until they are taught and are developmentally ready. What we teach children is usually engrained in society and stems from our own beliefs, which goes back to questioning our thoughts. Children aren’t bad.

Mothers are their own person. Mothers can want, need, and take a break from being a parent. Mothers can vent about the hardships of motherhood, mourn their life before children, and still love their children. Mothers can do things without their children. Mothers can have support and build a community that helps them take care of their children.

Goodbye 2023

2023 has been an interesting year. I feel like each year my takeaways are similar, but they manifest in different ways. Guess those are lessons I’m still working through. I’m ready to move forward and end this year. Here’s to next year!