I HAVE TO SAY…

Another year has come and gone. 2025, you were something. It wasn’t all bad, but we are living in unprecedented and tough times, and I would just like to…not?!?

In 2025, that man took over the country and threw anything and everything at the wall to see if it will stick. In 2025, there were, and still are genocides occurring. In 2025, a new Pope was chosen, and a socialist, Zohran Mamdani, was elected in New York. There were fires, and cheating scandals, and new products people obsessed over.

In 2025, I had another surgery, that I didn’t write about. In 2025, I started working again, only to now be unemployed, again. Please pray for me.

In 2025, my daughter started elementary school. In 2025, I started taking writing a book more seriously. In 2025, I started and ended a podcast, only to make plans of restarting another one, solo this time.

And here’s what this year has taught me:

Things don’t exist in a vacuum

Context matters (and context and intention aren’t the same). One album cover, or health movement, or belief can seem innocent and unassuming. But when similar sentiments keep popping up and in different spaces, I don’t think it’s a reach to notice a pattern occurring, and especially when some of those campaign messages have been increasingly alarming (the color of the year is…white?, Sydney Sweeney has good genes?, some politicians want to end no-fault divorce?). What is happening?

Just because you, or someone you know, may be choosing not to think deeper about a certain topic, doesn’t mean those that do are being difficult or boring or just reading too much into it (within reason of course), because events, especially statewide, national, and global ones, don’t exist in a vacuum. There’s a deep history behind everything.

Good intentions don’t always justify the outcome

Intentions do matter too, but they are also not the whole story. Someone having good intentions with you, doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt by their actions. Often times, feelings that arise come from somewhere and pushing them down will only make them resurface in another way.

You having good intentions with others, doesn’t automatically mean you’re right or justified in the situation. Good intentions shouldn’t and don’t absolve anyone of the result of their actions and true accountability includes an awareness of the consequences of your actions, both positive and negative, and acknowledging when it is harmful. Whether or not the intentions justify the outcome is up to the person on the receiving end, because you can’t tell people how to feel and people can’t tell you how to feel either.

Your way isn’t the only or the best way

Sometimes, not all the time, our good intentions come from a place of ego, of believing we are usually or always right, that we have all the answers or the best solution for a problem, when really there may be multiple ways to do or to get the thing. Just like how there are multiple ways to say the same thing.

Your way isn’t always the only way to get something done, and your way isn’t automatically the best way just because it’s yours. Sorry if this triggers anyone.

And maybe this isn’t even an ego thing, as much as it is a control thing. But being a mom, and as my daughter is getting older, this is something I have to remember. 

Make the choice you can live with

I don’t care if it’s cliche, life is really all about choices and while those options look different for everyone depending on the realities of life, at the end of the day, “right” and “wrong”, outside of universal truths and morality, is subjective and arbitrary. ’m living my life and you’re living yours and I (and my daughter) have to live with the choices I make. In generally, you don’t have to live with all of my choices, and I don’t have to live with all of yours. I’m not saying not to consider your community and the people around you, but I am saying sometimes we know what we want to or should do and are looking for reasons not to.

Choose your hard

Choosing your hard his goes hand in hand with choosing what you can live with, but it is a way to decide what you really want. Sometimes, all the options seem impossible, but you really have to decide if the discomfort is worth what you hope to get at the end.

Release the outcome

Manifestation has been a big theme for me this past year, popping up everywhere from social media to conversations with friends and in my late-night thoughts. One of the biggest lessons I’ve picked up is to release the outcome and relinquish control. I’m a believer in a less extreme version of the butterfly effect, where one choice can set off a chain reaction of other events, but having such a tight grip over every second and every detail can suffocate the butterfly.

Releasing the outcome isn’t the same as not saying or being specific about what you want. It’s about trusting that no matter what, it’ll happen in its own way (though you still have to take steps to make it happen), regardless of how or when you want it to.

There’s more to life than achievements

There’s nothing wrong with having goals and working towards them, but there is more to life than what you achieve or want to achieve. Not every aspect of your life has to be working towards something or be “purposeful.” Don’t allow achievements to define yourself and determine your worth. Allow yourself to have fun and to chill whatever that looks like to you.

Stop surveilling others

I’m not the first person to say it and I won’t be the last, but the idea of recording strangers to put on the internet is crazy! And stop surveilling yourselves! Stop uploading your pictures and your family pictures into AI databases. We’re really entering a time where there’s cameras everywhere and some entities are relying on civilian involvement. There’s I saw a Tik Tok post saying people need to kill their inner cop, and it’s becoming increasingly true.

Surveilling others isn’t just about recording other people, it’s asking questions and being fake concerned about things that have nothing to do with you. Like in the online book space, why do you care how many books people read? Why do you care if people do or don’t dnf (do not finish) books?

Whenever you’re feeling concerned about something someone else is doing, please ask yourself, “Does this actually affect me? Is this actually harming anyone? Is it really my business?”

Stop using boundaries as an excuse

While I think there are benefits to social media, I also know that social media also causes harm, one of which is watering down the actual meaning of things and incorrectly using therapy speak. Setting boundaries has been a big thing going around on social media for the past few years, and while yes, setting boundaries is important, sometimes what you think is setting boundaries is really just an excuse for your behavior or for control.

Setting boundaries is internal, not external. It’s about what you will do in a certain situation, not telling other people what they can and can’t do. Setting boundaries is not taking on other people’s situation. It’s still listening and being there for others, but understanding they will do what they want and are ultimately the decision makers in their lives.

Setting boundaries is understanding what you can and can’t handle and remaining firm in that, but it isn’t an excuse for avoiding uncomfortable situations and conversations. Setting boundaries is not taking on other people’s situation. It’s still listening and being there for others, but understanding they will do what they want and are ultimately the decision makers in their lives.

Setting boundaries is understanding what you can and can’t handle and remaining firm in that, but it isn’t an excuse for avoiding uncomfortable situations and conversations. Setting boundaries is not taking on other people’s situation. It’s still listening and being there for others but understanding they will do what they want and are ultimately the decision makers in their lives.

Setting boundaries is understanding what you can and can’t handle and remaining firm in that, but it isn’t an excuse for avoiding uncomfortable situations and conversations. Boundaries can change over time and there’s a difference between a boundary and a preference.

Lead with empathy, sympathy, and compassion

With the state of the world, empathy, sympathy, and compassion have been thrown out the window. Social media makes people bold, which, in turn, makes people on edge and defensive, which then makes people bold. This, the political climate, and the rise in individualism have made people meaner unless given a reason not to be, generally speaking in my opinion.

But to me, you shouldn’t have to know the reasons behind everything in order to be empathetic or sympathetic or compassionate towards them. The idea that these things are earned is part of why American society has become so individualistic.

Figure out what works for you

Stop relying on blanket statements from people on the internet about what makes a good friend and a good partner and a good person or about the steps you need to take in order to achieve any goals you are working towards. There is good advice out there that can help, but there’s a reason you should consult your care team about medical concerns, and the same logic applies to life advice. Stop applying the same blanket statement to every situation, because advice needs to be tailored to the person and the situation, at least to me.

Everything requires discernment

If it doesn’t apply, let it fly. Everything I’ve said in this post and have said in others and will say in future one doesn’t apply to every situation because nuance exists. Use your intuition and discernment to figure out what you believe and what makes sense to you.

Thank you for reading!

This post will be expanded on as the topic of my first podcast episode! You can listen wherever you get your podcasts on Tuesday, 1/5/2026.