I HAVE TO SAY…

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Today, I have to say…House of Stassi and Let’s Marry Harry were complete shitshows.

I’ve finished watching both of these shows and I’m just…Stunned. Confused. Appalled. A little disappointed, yet, not surprised at all that both of these shows went in the direction that they did.

The parallels of both shows and the similarities between the leads are not lost on me and I just have to get all of my thoughts out about it.

I’m gonna start by ranting about each of the shows on their own, but I promise, I will bridge the gap in the end.

So, thank you for joining me. Thank you for being here. And let’s get started.

House of Stassi Overview

So yes, I watched House of Stassi and I have thoughts, as usual, about the show, though I won’t get into every situation or point of conflict that came up. 

I am a big fan of breaking the 4th wall, especially in reality tv.

This show starts with Stassi in a confessional basically narrating things, starting with how the show came to be, and she continues to give her thoughts about certain choices she made and scenes that aired. I like getting the background information and like the idea of seeing what it takes to film a reality tv show. I thought that part was really interesting.

Stassi is a producer on the show, so she’s probably involved in editing in some way, so I’m not tryna say that the show is completely transparent in that way, but I think you see her thought process in ways you don’t see from other shows because in this show the fourth wall is allowed to be broken.

Stassi & Katie

I think the most interesting thing from a production standpoint that happened this season is Stassi bringing Katie back because it gives: she needed extra reassurance that people will tune in.

And look, I won’t pretend like knowing Katie would be on the show didn’t encourage me to watch it, because it did. Katie and Stassi went through ups and downs on Vanderpump Rules and in the later seasons they weren’t as close as before. 

I’m sure that this is a popular opinion, but Katie was needed on the show and she definitely clocked in. One of the things Katie told Stassi on the show became a big topic of conversation this season which was “If they [don’t] come out of you or they’re not married to you or they’re not on your f**king payroll, they don’t get to be in your life.”

I don’t know Stassi, but based on the people on the show that seemed to be a pretty accurate statement.

While other castmates felt offended, Stassi was impressed with that line, praising Katie’s bluntness in the confessional, which is ironic because she didn’t seem to like what Katie and others had to say by the end of the season.

“Cancelled” conversations

Another thing that comes up a lot during this season is Stassi saying that she was cancelled. I will be referring to it as a “cancellation” when I talk about it, but I want the record to show that if she was truly cancelled, she would not be on a tv show right now.

I think it would also be more appropriate to say that she faced the consequences of her actions. I know it’s more words than “cancelled” but still. I will continue to use her words as I quote her and talk about her. I just wanted to throw that out there that I don’t agree with her usage of the word.

During the season, to me, it feels like Stassi really feels like now is her time. I don’t know if it’s that she feels entitled to the spotlight after what she went through, aka the consequences of her actions, or if she is scared that it can suddenly all be taken away from her again.

Either way, the conversation did get exhausting to hear about after a while, and I know that this is her show and her life and it was a really low moment in her life. I get it, but again, it was the consequences of her actions.

She did have a sit down with Sher and Gabriella about it briefly towards the end of the show and I have mixed feelings about that. I didn’t think Stassi and Gabriella were that close, and I don’t know what I missed, it also could’ve been the editing from Vanderpump Villa, but I didn’t get the impression that she was that close to either of them, so seeing them on this show was surprising and it did feel a little like, “Look. I know Black people.”

I did appreciate that she admitted to her ignorance and her privileges in being able to do and say whatever she wanted without consequence. And actually, in that conversation she did acknowledge that she rightfully did suffer the consequences of what she did.

Stassi & Beau 

The season ends with everyone pretty much giving an intervention to Stassi, telling her that she needs to be more present with Beau and that she needs to be willing to listen and communicate with him because throughout the season it’s pretty clear that Beau is harboring feelings about not being considered or seen and he feels like he isn’t a priority in Stassi’s life. The cast is worried the path Stassi & Beau were on will lead to divorce, even though in the confessionals, Stassi and Beau both claim they’re good, with Stassi saying they’re all projecting because they’ve been divorced themselves.

I’m not here to talk about if confronting them was right or wrong, but I do want to talk about the dynamics between them, because I think it’s something married couples with children fall into when one of them is a stay-at-home parent.

Granted, I believe they have a nanny, but I don’t like that people are making it seem like he doesn’t have the right to feel how he feels just because they have a nanny. I’m not gonna say he’s not privileged for having a nanny, he obviously is, but it doesn’t mean that he’s feelings shouldn’t matter just because he also has help. It just means that’s how hard being a parent is. That even with help, you’re still struggling.

Stassi feels like it’s her turn as a woman to be able to go off and work. She admits she wants to be able to balance being present with her kids and working hard. And to me, it seems like she feels she deserves all the opportunities she’s now gotten, especially because she was able to pull herself back up after her quote unquote cancelling. So, Stassi admits she doesn’t want Beau to go back to work when they’re well off financially. Stassi, ironically, doesn’t understand that Beau is looking for a sense of purpose outside his household, the way that Stassi seemed to feel when all of her opportunities dried up. 

I think it’s fair to say Beau is not unique in feeling this way. This is how a lot of women feel and we hear that with Kristina feeling pretty much the same way as Beau with her own home situation. I just don’t think it negates how Beau is feeling. I don’t think it means his feelings should be dismissed. And I don’t think them breaking the gender stereotype of having the husband at home and the wife at work is that progressive…as she tries to make it seem.

Stassi brings up she’s around her kids as much as Beau is and says that it’s weird that they’re holding this intervention, which I won’t disagree with, but again, it’s reality tv and reality tv stars have poorly timed conversations about serious topics, so it’s on brand.

Stassi and Motherhood

Stassi mentions later in the argument she tries to be the best mom but their kids are difficult and they’re really hard. And she says over and over again as she literally melts down, crying, that their kids are hard and she admits she can’t handle her kids and Beau reminds her of that all the time.

She tells them all to shut the fuck up and says that they hit her where it hurts.

During this dinner, that was really a shitshow, feeling a little bit like a coup, that occurred only to ensure a drama, it really clicked for me that Stassi hides behind her motherhood.

What sucks though is that this could have opened the door for a more productive conversation. Like this could’ve been treated like a therapy session for Stassi to unpack how issues with her mom present in her parenting, how she’s so afraid of losing her career again that she feels like she has to go hard now with all the opportunities she’s given. Or even just an outlet to talk about her control issues.

This could’ve been a conversation starter about how tough motherhood is, how hard it is to be a working mom and the guilt that may come with not having a lot of free time or missing milestones when your children or young. It could’ve been a conversation about the pressures of being a good mom. Or about how the reality of motherhood is different than the idea of it or what some people portray motherhood to be ‘cause motherhood is something that is personal and I think it’s different for every person experiencing it.

Instead of that type of real vulnerability, we got a triggered Stassi, letting the dark passenger out, yelling at everyone because she felt attacked and because she felt insecure about her motherhood. And then on top of that in her confessional, she still doesn’t really reflect on any of it, instead blaming everyone for coming at her on her show it seems like.

Let’s Marry Harry Overview

Harry Jowsey has the reputation of being a fuck boy and he knows that, which is why he named his podcast Boyfriend Material.

So imagine my surprise when I was scrolling Netflix and saw the public serial dater, rumored toxic cheater, Harry Jowsey, was getting a television show titled “Let’s Marry Harry.”

The premise of the show is exactly what it sounds like. Women signed up for the show and competed against each other for the goal of marrying Harry. Harry, a rumored womanizer, a known fuckboy, a toxic king whose public relationships haven’t lasted very long. Not only are they planning to marry this man,but they also are forced to live with him and the other women he’s dating.

The show was also very clearly put in place to change Harry’s image. There’s so much talk about how Harry has changed and that he is a new man now after experiencing grief, which is supposedly why some people believed Harry was serious about the process and about marriage. There’s so many conversations about Harry’s growth on the show while we simultaneously see how he was moving through the edit.

The show felt like a trainwreck and it was hard to look away.

We got Harry in confessionals, focusing on the bodies of the women he wanted to marry. We got Harry admitting he felt himself becoming toxic, which…I guess he had a brief moment of self-awareness…I guess. And we got Harry hooking up with a woman on the show and then lying about it when confronted, which was so diabolical I’m still in shock about Harry’s audacity.

In a confessional at some point during the show Harry literally says, “Horny Harry needs to think about the future” and him saying that about himself is another thing on the list of why this show wasn’t a good idea. Because if you gotta talk yourself out of listening to “Horny Harry”, don’t you think you’re not ready to get married yet Harry?

I’m not gonna lie, the finale episode got me. The entire show I figured this was gonna be a Double Shot at Love with DJ Pauly D and Vinny situation and that Harry was gonna decide he actually wasn’t ready for marriage because watching his behavior of the show, I genuinely thought he would come to that conclusion.  So, when he actually picked someone and it was Amber I was shook just because I thought he was gonna give a speech that didn’t land about how he was gonna choose himself and walk away single. That probably would’ve been a better ending anyway than what happened.

Listening to Amber and Harry give their vows though, I did buy into it. They seemed to really love each other and Harry’s speech and the line about his father’s glasses did make me go awwwe. 

I was thinking Maybe I’m the cynic. This is all really beautiful.

Harry, Emma, & Abby

My first question is, how is Emma, the person who wasn’t in the top three, one of the first people to get asked a question by the host.

Before you think of an answer,it was clearly because Emma was going to try to see the good and the bad of Harry Jowsey. I think any defense of him is a pretty surface level approach to take because we know everyone is capable of doing good and bad. We know that people aren’t perfect. I think all of us watching this show would agree that some if not all of the women probably signed up for this show for a multitude of reasons that don’t just involve being married to Harry Jowsey, but it doesn’t change how Harry treated the women on the show.

Harry may be a good friend, as Emma says towards the end, but he’s clearly not husband or boyfriend material and him being a good friend doesn’t change how he treats women he doesn’t want a friendship with. The show is called Let’s Marry Harry not “Let’s be friends with Harry”, so I don’t know why people are so stuck on defending that he’s a good friend when that’s not what the show is about.

Abby also had some moments during the reunion because I guess she slept with Harry during filming at some point. She claims she didn’t want it out there and another contestant she confided in spread it, but I literally would not have known she slept with Harry if she didn’t say anything.

I do think it’s telling though that Abby and Emma were the two people that Harry shouted out at the reunion among the women in the cast. And it was giving “I’m only friends with men™”, energy and pick-me type energy (derogatory obviously) so I guess that’s really what rubbed me the wrong way about them. Like Abby just like “Oh he picked me. Oh he kissed me. Oh he hooked up with me. Blah. Blah.” And then Emma being like “He’s actually a really good friend.” 

It’s just like, shut up, because we’re sitting here listening to different women talk about how Harry wronged them in some way or played in their face or just like they didn’t feel like he was treating them respectfully or that he wasn’t taking the whole thing seriously and it was treating it all like it wasa joke, and you’re sitting here making jokes about things and saying “This is true, but he’s also a good friend to me and he’s still a good person!”

Like, I can’t help but roll my eyes.

Harry & Kissing

A big topic at the reunion was that Harry spent a lot of time making out with people on the show with the host saying it rubbed the audience the wrong way, and truth be told it did make me side eye him a little bit because you’re doing all this, feeling on all these women’s bodies on television, tongue kissing them, having sex with them, but in three-ish or whatever weeks you’re gonna settle down with one person and marry them?

Also during the reunion, Faith aired her grievances about getting kicked off for talking about her kiss with Harry. At the reunion Faith says she didn’t tell the house, she just confirmed that it was true because there was no point in lying and she called Harry a hypocrite because he claimed to care about privacy when he spent a lot of the time making out with people in the house in front of the other women.

When Harry cut her from the show, I already knew he was up to some bullshit, because I figured he was upset with Faith because it meant he couldn’t be sneaky with Faith. He could be sneaky with Abby, she didn’t tell until the reunion. He could be sneaky with Amber, who didn’t want anyone in the house to know they hooked up anyway. He couldn’t be sneaky with Faith, since she wasn’t going to lie about it.

They showed footage of how Harry was making out with some of the women in common areas where other women could see it and we get an edited montage and confessional of one of the contestants, Debralee I think, saying it makes her uncomfortable and she doesn’t want to hear or see Harry making out with other women. And then we see another contestant, Rickiyah, saying that Harry isn’t moving respectfully when he’s kissing other women in public areas, which I’d have to agree with.

Then Harry throws a fit in his own confessional, sitting on the floor and pouting like a baby and admitting himself that half the fun of this is kissing people and he’s upset that he can’t kiss anyone. So he continues to tell the women he wants to kiss people, but he can’t do it in public because it makes people upset, which frustrates the women who want to be kissed. And watching it feels icky, feels manipulative, feels like weaponized incompetence because all Rickiyah was saying was that he needed to be respectful about it, and it just is making me think, “How exactly did Harry change?”

Rickiyah talks about how she didn’t like how he was moving in the house because she was “expecting him to be more intentional but he immediately showed a lack of self control…My future husband…[would] still act accordingly if you truly want to find your future wife,” she said during the reunion.

And what she said is what gets me about the whole and about Harry, because again this show shouldn’t have ended in an engagement or a wedding. The stakes would’ve been there already by nature of Harry being a fuckboy who no one believes could settle down in a healthy and long-lasting committed relationship with anyone, much less a relationship that was filmed and brought about for a tv show.

I don’t know why he would do all that when his intention was to marry one of them. ‘Cause I figure watching it back as his future wife, you would feel a type of way about how he was moving, three or so weeks ago or whatever.

What’s even worse than making out with someone in front of the other people you’re dating to marry is lying about what you did. 

What Harry did to Sam was diabolical and I give her flowers for walking away from the show and leaving it all behind because Harry lied in her face and didn’t even blink about it. He claims it was to protect Amber, but the show is filmed so it was going to come out anyway and Sam was right. If Harry didn’t think it was worth it to tell her the truth, he should’ve just let Sam go and kicked her off the show. I thought it was so weird that he kept Sam when he didn’t have to, but then again, we know this entire show was a joke to him, so maybe he kept Sam thinking she was an easy out for this entire thing.

Sam was right to tell him off and I’m glad she went with her gut instead of letting Harry gaslight her. It was also crazy seeing Harry talk about it with Alex Cooper, because he didn’t take accountability at first until Alex basically broke down how he messed up.

Harry & Dannelle

Harry also did Dannelle dirty. I know the name of the game was that one person would be left behind regardless, but based on what Dannelle said during the reunion, I completely believe that Harry did lead her on.

Dannelle also says that while she gets why Harry ultimately picked Amber, she also thought that Harry could tell how committed Dannelle was to him, that Harry could see how ready she was to marry him and that Harry just wasn’t ready for that commitment, so he chose Amber and I can actually see that point of view. I think that’s also why he didn’t cut Sam sooner and why Sam had to walk away on her own.

There’s been conversations online because Dannelle did admit to seeing Harry after the show. Harry texted her saying that he was single so they started talking again and Dannelle said they picked back up where they left off. 

I don’t judge her, but I do think she should acknowledge that she should’ve talked to Amber, just because Harry is known to be a player and a fuckboy. He claimed he was on a show to get married, and then a month and a half later he’s suddenly single as if he didn’t marry someone.

Even Dannelle talking about how they told each other they love each other…no part of her was like…thinking about Amber or thinking about how quickly Harry was moving on from Amber, even though they had a deep relationship too? I guess she hadn’t seen the show yet, but still. In hindsight Danelle wasn’t thinking like… Damn. I got played. I should’ve reached out before I fell for him all over again. I don’t understand why she spent the reunion arguing back with Amber instead of understanding where Amber was coming from.

So Dannelle is talking about how Harry flew out, they hung out, and then Harry changed his tune when she taking him to the airport and he was just saying he was in his head and everything and so she left heartbroken and that was the last time she saw him. Which that whole story is giving, Harry is still a fuckboy. Harry went to see her to get some. Harry used her and then disregarded her feelings. That story didn’t make Harry look good at all.

It was nice to hear that Dannelle’s done with him.

Harry & Amber

Harry doesn’t address anything really that came out post show. Maybe it was because Amber didn’t really give him a chance to speak, but even when Harry did speak, what he said was bullshit honestly and I’m not mad at Amber for going off on him.

I refuse to be one of the people who acts like the woman is the problem when she was clearly pushed to her limit and we’re not gonna act like Amber being pissed off and going off invalidates anything she said or how she felt. And it doesn’t dismiss anything that Harry did.

Now there were some contradictions with what Amber said, but it’s a little tough to gauge if she’s just not able to get her point across clearly or if she’s purposely misleading people on what happened. I think based on what we watched the entire show, it’s fair to say Harry probably wasn’t that great of a husband…y’know in title.

I do sympathize with her because I could understand the frustration that comes with not being able to tell your story while this guy acts like things between the two of you are good on social media. It was clear on the show that Amber had difficulty with being vulnerable and fully leaning into the experience and I could see how damaging it can be to finally be vulnerable only to realize it was all a lie or all for a tv show, as it seems like Harry insinuated to her. She kept saying that he said it was “good tv.”

I get how hurtful and embarrassing it is to think you were bonding and sharing something special with someone and to share your grief with someone who wasn’t all in the way they were pretending to be. I get how frustrating it is that the person you were supposed to marry, whether legally binding or not, then tells you it was too hard to maintain a new relationship in secret as if that isn’t a copout because regardless of who he chose that would be the case. This time he’s giving Vinny, from Double Shot at Love, vibes.

And then when you’re finally able to speak your truth and unleash your anger and frustration, one of Harry’s friend and other people act like you have no right to be upset, they act like Harry is the prize, they act like being friends with Harry is the same as dating him, and they act like he didn’t do anything wrong. 

Sonny, the other of Harry’s friends, accused Amber of using his grief against Harry and I wholeheartedly disagree and I will say that I do think Harry hid behind his grief on this show. He was the one who used his grief and allowed other people to use his grief to prop him up. Every time people talk about how he’s changed they always tie his grief into it and that’s because grief does change people. I don’t doubt that Harry was grieving and I don’t doubt that Harry’s grief changed him, but I do question why the people close to him think grief changed him into wanting to settle down when we can clearly see that was not the case.

Amber tells Sonny, and lowkey Georgia and Amanda, that they don’t understand because they weren’t there, they didn’t see what happened between them when the cameras were gone. and Georgia and Amanda both nod their heads because Amber is right they didn’t see that stuff. They don’t know what went down and I think Sonny is an enabler and as long as Harry keeps Sonny around, and he keeps around people who will stand beside him, who will not bluntly call him out on his shit, whether publicly or privately, Harry will never actually change his approach on relationships and how he treats women.

Bridging the Gap

So, after all that, can you tell what Stassi Schroeder and Harry Jowsey have in common?

Both are seasoned reality tv stars clinging to relevancy. 

Both brought on someone they have history with to gain more interest.

Both promised us that they have changed over and over again only to show us by the end of their respective shows that they actually haven’t changed at all.

Stassi promised us that she has self-reflected and that she’s different than the Stassi from Vanderpump Rules. Maybe in some ways, she has self-reflected and she has learned her privileges in the world, but after watching the show, I think it’s clear she’s still just as selfish, defensive, and close-minded as she was on Vanderpump Rules. 

Respectfully, I think she does need therapy to unpack her issues and to get a hold of her inability to be empathetic and listen to other people’s point of view.

For now, I think she still makes entertaining tv, though this bit will get old. She can’t break down and yell on reality tv forever. I don’t even think it’ll be tolerated in the same way next season because by the end of the show it genuinely a hard watch.

Stassi is also still vindictive because to say she’s going to deal with the rest of the cast later because she isn’t going to end the show like this, with her crying, is wild. She could’ve said she overreacted because she felt attacked instead of giving us the selfishness and arrogance of the llama on Emperor’s New Groove.

Because comparing herself to Julius Cesar is extra, I don’t care if she’s being hyperbolic on purpose or not.

Harry promised us that grief changed him. That he was ready to settle down and be a good husband. He promised he was ready to get married and after watching the show, I think it’s fair to say that I felt gaslit, not just by him but by his friends and the producers who enabled him to pretend like he wanted something he clearly didn’t want.

He promised he wasn’t a fuckboy anymore and he clearly still is. Like if this version of him in relationships is better than how he was before, then he must’ve been truly diabolical. Because the stuff he did to those women, the stuff he did on the show…insane…

I don’t know if either of these shows were a good idea for Harry and Stassi’s reputation in the long run. But I guess they were already starting over in some ways. And I guess time will tell.

I’m on instagram @ihavetosaypod. I’m on threads @lyssa_posts_ or @ihavetosaypod and I hope you’ll subscribe. 

Thank you for reading!

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