It’s nearing the end of the year. If you’ve been with me for a while, you know I always use this time to think back on what the year was like for me and what I want out of the upcoming year.
2022 is the year my baby turned into a toddler. It’s the year I really accepted and embraced that living in Vegas and the freedom before motherhood is in the past. It’s the year I started therapy. It’s the year I’ve made steps to learn what I want out life. It’s the year I’ve made steps to learn what I no longer want to tolerate in my life. Here’s what this year has taught me so far.
Most People are Selfish
Because everyone is living their own individual life. Some people take their selfishnesses too far. Some people aren’t selfish enough. However, most people do things to serve their own interest. There’s nothing wrong with that because we are the only ones living our individual lives. The problem lies in how selfishness affects our actions and the way we treat other people.
Everyone Values Different Things
Seems obvious, but encountering this in our lives can be jarring. Some people value money, some family, some sleep, some wellness, some justice, some religious beliefs etc. Everyone values different things and that can tell you what they prioritize and explain why someone is the way they are. It can explain why people are willing to overlook certain characteristics or situations. Our values in comparison with another’s can be the reason we don’t get along with someone else. Our values and beliefs ultimately affect the bubble we find ourselves in and the media we consume. These values form when we are growing up from our family, caretakers, and society. They adjust as we get older and see the world for ourselves. They can change over time as our perspective changes.
Therapy and Growth is Uncomfortable
This year I started therapy/coaching and baabbyy. I never understood until this process why people say it can be uncomfortable and lonely. It’s made me notice patterns in my life. It’s forced me to understand my anxiety and my habits. It’s caused me to consider the people who are in my life and if I still want them there. Therapy has helped me be honest with myself. Therapy has helped me think about what I want and don’t want out of life. Therapy has helped me find ways to cope and embrace the way I am changing. It is not for everyone, but therapy only works to the level you are working it. You have to be honest and vulnerable in order to make breakthroughs, even if it is not right away.
Ego Can Get in the Way
An unhealthy ego can stop you from taking accountability. It can prevent you from communicating issues with people you care(d) about. An unhealthy ego causes you to be too selfish. It makes you over confident. It keeps you connected to people you no longer have an interest in or who no longer have an interest in you.
An unhealthy ego stops you from asking for help when you need it. It affects how vulnerable and prideful you are. An unhealthy ego gets in the way. We all have shadow sides. We all have egos. But not all of us recognize or can healthily navigate that side of ourselves. No one is perfect and even someone who is aware of their shadow side will still have moments when their shadow side takes the lead. Being self aware and learning that part of yourself can improve your life.
Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Imposter syndrome is so real. An inflated ego is so real. We all have characteristics we can work on and those we can thrive in. Know both sides of yourself. Your strengths can propel you to be who you want to be. Your weaknesses can teach you ways to heal yourself and then be turned into a strength.
Childhood and Generational Trauma
Everything is cyclical. How we were treated when we were young has a strong effect on who we become. Trauma does not always have to be a severe situation and the situation doesn’t have to occur to you directly for it to traumatize you. It is any jarring event that has happened to you or around you that has a lasting impact.
The interactions with our family lead to how we interact with other people. How our caretakers love us is how we love other people. That’s why part of parenting is leading by example. A common example of this is the transition of an adult who was spanked as a kid who doesn’t spank their kids because it led them to being fearful and unable to express emotions effectively. Childhood affects our inner child and can let us know how to help our inner child feel seen.
There are also studies that trauma lives in our DNA and this can be passed through generations. Hence generational trauma. There’s also the fact that we sometimes repeat the situations of those who raise us. The things our caretakers focused on when we were children we may inadvertently focus on when we have children. Because as we grow up, I feel like we either subconsciously become like our parents and caretakers or we make sure we’re the complete opposite of them.
I say this often. And every year I always forget. It is okay to let go of people and any environment or situation that no longer serves you. It is okay to let go of what something used to be. I’m not talking about not holding a grudge. I don’t think everyone and every situation deserves forgiveness. I mean, relationships, situations, our feelings, others feelings, they all change and that’s okay. Sometimes we miss what was and want to hold on to them. Sometimes letting go and letting things be, is for the best. It would be nice to be able to control everything. I have anxiety, trust me I know. It’s just not how life works. We have to let go.
Believing in Yourself & The Power of Manifestation
We can do what we believe we can. There’s nuance to this, such as financial means. These nuances can motivate us or limit what we can do. However, we can talk ourselves out of what we want, something attainable to our situation, by thinking we don’t deserve it, don’t want it, or can’t achieve it. You have to believe in yourself.
This leads to the power of manifestation. I believe words are powerful and manifesting is possible. You can have what you truly want by knowing and saying what it is, believing that you can have it, and taking steps towards achieving it.
Are the Vibes Right?
I believe that everything, including people, give off a level of energy. I believe thats why babies and animals are immediately drawn to or dislike certain people. It’s why you can feel a shift in the room when certain people walk in. Our bodies can pick up on other people’s energy towards us before our mind does. So if you every feel off and wonder why, ask yourself first if the vibes are right?
Pain is Painful
Pain is painful. Having a disease that causes chronic pain is numbing because we try not to focus on it. It affects our mood and temperament because our nerves are already suffering. It drains our energy because on top of the day to day, we’re trying to be patient and not focus on the pain. Our physical body is also being affected and trying to heal itself. Pain has altered my perspective. I have experienced being in a wheelchair and seeing how the world, at least in the US, doesn’t make inclusion a priority. I see the privilege of having perfect attendance. I realize how often I mask because admitting how much pain I’m in changes little. It makes me cherish and appreciative of the good days. Because you don’t realize how much you walk or sit until it hurts to do that.
Even if They Want To, They Might Not
I don’t like the phrase “if they wanted to, the would.” (If I said it before in a post, please disregard as I no longer feel like this). How many times have you said you wanted something, but made no effort towards achieving it? Or made a little effort but not enough to achieve it?
Sometimes people want something and go after it. Sometimes people say they are interested in having you in their life, but don’t meant it at all. However, we are all grown. We all have things going on. As someone who is in consistent pain, has a child, and has anxiety, I don’t always do what I want to do. I don’t have the energy or space to be present and put in the effort for others the way I wish I could be. I acknowledge that’s something I need to work on.
I also think “if they wanted to they would,” comes from a place of privilege. You also have to be able to acknowledge when they make effort, even if it isn’t in the way you want. (Like texting versus calling, interacting with your posts, sending letters versus doing nothing, supporting you). No one has to have patience with you and they’re allowed to want more. Still, people who truly care and have the space for inconsistency, will.
Use Your Sick and Vacation Hours
Your position will be up for replacement when you leave, even if you aren’t replaceable. Your managers might care about you, if you have that type of relationship, but they will create a paper trail and fire you without notice. Your job will rely on you to pick up the slack and do more work without raising your pay. They’ll knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of you. And in my case, they’ll try to get you to stay, then tell your new prospect not to hire you.
I say all this to say, use your sick and vacation hours. Don’t work for free. Try not to go above and beyond- just do what’s required. If you can help, don’t work for less than you deserve.
Personalities Changes Over Time
I was listening to the “Feel in the Blank” podcast and they were doing their personality tests. They pointed out that our personalities change over time. I used to think we change overtime, but our personalities stay the same which doesn’t make sense. Our personalities adapt to our environment and change the more we discover who we are. The same is true for other people. I’ve gone through periods where I was more extroverted and times where I was less direct. How has your personality changed?
Vulnerability is Hard
I feel like I’m on open book, but I don’t open up unless someone else leads in turning the pages. Like if someone asks, I’ll answer, but I’m not vulnerable enough to start the conversations. Vulnerability is something I have always struggled with because it’s hard to open yourself up to disappointment. It’s something I am still working on.
In your relationships, it is important to speak up if something is bothering you- if the relationship is worth saving. At your work environment, it is important to speak up if something isn’t serving you. If nothing changes, you can’t say it isn’t for lack of trying.
Someone’s intentions do not always negate their actions, but intentions do matter. If you’re unsure about anything really, speak up and communicate how you perceived it. Making assumptions is in my top three pet peeves. The best way to avoid assumptions is clear communication.
In 2022, I had covid twice. I’ve had numerous flare ups from my autoimmune disease. Ive had health scares. I’ve sobbed. I’ve laughed. I’ve connected with great people. I’ve listened to new music and discovered my interest in podcasts. I started therapy. I got a new job that paid more and taught me something new. I experienced a new year of parenting. I wasn’t sure what to expect in 2022 but I am genuinely excited for what 2023 will bring.